Straight Jacket

I never imagined that Amazon would sell costumes like straight Jackets for children and Adults. In my session with the dietican she asked me to go back and remember where restriction began in my life as it came from childhood. I thought yes that made sense and I decided to feel what it felt like restriction by using an object and thought a straight Jacket would bring back somatic memories. It did and took it to my therapudic work. I shared that I felt restricted most of my life in how food was used as reward and punishment. Being given an apple for lunch at Private School as I was on a diet and having access to lifesavers and chocolate milk, and desert with my father when we were together. His access to me sexually and in sexualizing father daughter connection. I saw him as my saviour and my mother as my enemy . When they both were that for me as she did not protect me. She too had an eating disorder herself to keep herself slim. The straight Jacket did not provide any movement. My movements in my life were compartmentalized and I lived within boundaries that were made for me. Rules and regulations and I think my eating disorder or the food becomes a bondrylessness and boundary for me. I wonder when the work ends and there is a clearing... I know I am healing internally i feel the shift somatically and my eating and choices have changed, and I stop and feel fullness. I want to put this all to rest this coming year. so that the changes internally will move out externally. Self-care is at the Helm for me, each and every day. I am stepping out to find a therapist who will assst me in developing a writing group so that i can begin to write about living with my internal family system and bring other people together. to be and live from a place of healing... and joy....I can't live in my past I live with choice now and that is where I am... it is how I relate to it all that is key....