Restriction: daily awareness

I now am in a process which i am going to blog: The dietican I am seeing asked me to notice how i restrict daily. I realized that I restrict a lot and today is an example beginning as my first day. I ate some cereal this morning a measured amount with fruit, then worried about when i was going to eat next and thought no i have to wait my 4 hours. Rethought this out.. and I am going to have a snack shortly. I often think that if I have something like a cookie or I eat more than a bag of something that i have to give up food the next day. or it is a diet and i will begin tomorrow. I think my restrictive part is huge and has been here for years. There is also a eating disorder part of me too that lives outside and is not in the window as well as a shame part why cant i get this right i know all of the ways in which to understand my herstory... i have the tools and then i could back to protection. I now have a different understanding of diabetes and how my disease affects me.. I will write this out too. i am looking forward to this process. and perhaps there is a good book to come out of this process no one speaks to ISF in relation to eating disorders.