I would like to get to know this part of myself who overrides me and the intense need to reconnect without even thinking what is best for myself first. I learnt well from my mother who never took care of herself internally, outwardly yes as she donned herself with eleborate hats, dresses, suits and clothing that adorned her body and she herself internally was and needed to be vacant to live the life that was given to her, not out of choice but through expectation. I fought all of that and then as i stepped into my own life and sought somatic therapy and a different kind of spiritual life i found i was not vacant. I chose a different life for myself inside of the herstorical trauma and began to understand somatically what this meant. I am going to begin a blog going back to my own therapudic processes to bring forward what has been present in understanding how to build new neuopathic ways of supporting me and bring forward what is present and all of the nuances that keep coming forward as i continually look towards myself. stay tuned.