Preparing food for the week:

Sometimes I find preparing food exhilarating and comforting and other times I feel anxious and scared. I sometimes look into my fridge full of food and just sure what to take out and eat and other times i can navigate well. I feel sadness as this has been a life long process and I have copious journals of eating plans and pictures of my fridge as well as my cupboards and other times i have to keep purchasing grocerises because i dont feel i have enougha nd other times i have let my fridge go bare, and other times I just want to be fed by someone else and have done this for 6 months through different online catering.... and to much of my dismay, i never can be consistent until i restrict to the point of not eating enough and my weight drops and the cycle begins again... until now.