Awareness: where is my heart held?

I stepped into G!D wrestling over 25 years ago.... and i am still wrestling....I do believe in divine presence and sometimes I feel that divine lives as the still small voice within me. I have been working and unpacking my herstory for years and years. tonight as I listened to myself I held my own heart and stepped back into my community that I have been longing for since High Holidays. Holding one's own heart with another requires a gentleness and care and my dear Friend came to seat with me while holding the space to be. I did not feel this tug to look sideways and worry about what other people thought. I needed to step in and realize that I have finally let go and have moved on and sat with my inner beings and cried after our meeting tonight at shul. I have come to a deeper awareness.

I heard from people how they felt about my presence not being at the Danforth Jewish Circle and I felt deeply moved. I missed our community and I was missed by people i have known for years. My body was riveting and I was not dysregulated but I realized I never had to leave, I left myself and that is the sadest part of all. I hold my heart in my own hands gently and tenderly and seeing the divine within.